


It's Time

by greatdumbking



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur being emotionally vulnerable for once, Awkward Tension, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, First Kiss, Hurt Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Love Confessions, M/M, Merlin not being able to accept that someone likes him, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:32:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22990276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greatdumbking/pseuds/greatdumbking
Summary: And finally, finally, they both look at each other. And each can see in the other’s eyes the emotion they recognize from fleeting looks that they so often catch each other staring with. And Arthur overwhelmingly remembers the reasons he started all this mess to begin with. Something needed to be said. And he’s done his part.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 260





	It's Time

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: I’m totally mortified!! I was just rereading Courage Comes in Seconds by Kateis_Cakeis and realized I stole some dialogue! It must have stuck in my head and I eventually built up a different story around it and forgot I didn’t actually write it! That’s so embarrassing, I hope it’s ok though!

The room was dimly lit with candles, casting shadows on the two figures in the King’s chambers. They moved slowly about each other, gracefully, as they had done every night for the better part of a decade. The removing of armour, a ritual that nightly allowed the King to become Arthur once again, if only for a little while. Stripping the man of his defences in more ways than one, the most important not being the material but rather the simple fact of his being in the presence of the only man who knew who he really was and what he really wanted.

Merlin must know what he really wanted. This was a thought that had been gnawing at Arthur for months. Merlin had caught him staring a few too many times recently for Arthur to feel secure in what was once his secret. It was simply that it had become increasingly hard recently _not_ to stare. His friend had changed, Arthur had realized startlingly, his face, his shoulders, everything about him was no longer just cute or adorable (which had been Arthur’s go-to words for the past few years).

But even more startling were the times that Arthur had caught _Merlin_ staring. Every time, Merlin would look away sheepishly, or give a little shy grin, and Arthur’s heart simply could not take a double blow like that. Why was Merlin staring? Why was he embarrassed about it? The more Arthur dwelled on these incidences (and really dwelling on the younger man was his brain’s main pastime) he got closer and closer to allowing them to ignite his long dormant hope that maybe this thing he felt was two sided. It was really hard to refuse himself this hope, it felt so goddamn _good_. It was sometimes the only thing getting him through the rough days of late.

He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the younger man. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the darkness, maybe it was the silence. Maybe it was just the moment, so pregnant with possibility. Recklessness reared its head, and whispered into the King’s ear: it’s time.

“How do you manage?...How do _I_ manage?” He all but whispered, eyes focused not on Merlin’s face, but on his hands as they worked on the clasp at his chest.

Hands which stilled, now. And that, more than anything, more than the cocked eyebrow and soft “Arthur?”, terrified him.

But recklessness had not fled, and sat softly on his shoulder, still, guiding him further into this vast new territory of muddied waters and terrible unseen creatures called _rejection._ And he may tell himself that it is courageous, to keep moving forward, but his eyes still could not meet Merlin’s. With stinted quiet words, he forged on.

“I see you- _looking_ at me. When you think no ones watching- when you think _I’m_ not watching. I just- how is it that, that we’ve never said…anything.”

He could sense a warning look from the younger man, as Merlin responded with a light tone, “I really don’t know what were talking about.”

And those hands dropping down, breaking contact. And Arthur has nowhere to look, now that they’re gone, so he tries the other man’s face, but it is too difficult to see what is clearly written there. A warning.

And so Arthur turns away, and moves quickly to stand by the window, eyes unfocused on the terrace below. He can hear that Merlin has made no move to follow, and Arthur knows he will still be standing there, like some terrified animal on a hunt.

Everything is wrong. Recklessness has fled, courage was never there to begin with, and Arthur can’t face anything that is happening right now. It’s too much, and too little at once, and he can feel tears threatening to appear.

“Forgive me. I have forgotten myself, I must have been mistaken. You can go now Merlin.”

There is a long pause in the room. Merlin must still be there, unmoving.

But then, Merlin’s voice breaks the silence, slow and low and full of weight, like it is sometimes when he talks of silly things like fate.

“I would not have you risk so much for so little”

Arthur turns at that, out of surprise mostly, and finally, finally, looks at the other man. But the tables have turned. It is Arthur’s turn to be confused, and Merlin’s turn to be unable to meet his eyes.

He seems to shrink in Arthur’s gaze, but continues, though he looks as though he is in physical pain with every word he utters. “There are other ways, less… obvious ways, if you’re lonely. Less convenient, but safer.”

The words take a few seconds to sink in with Arthur, but once they do, a fury rises in him. Recklessness has returned, accompanied by pain, resentment, and pure anger.

“Is that what you think this is?” he demands “That I have decided to place my desires on you because I’m _lonely_ and you’re _convenient_?” The anger fades, and his voice breaks as he whispers “I would _never_ ask that of you.”

Merlin says nothing, and despite the connotations of Arthur’s words, stands subservient, staring at the floor. Arthur feels the need to provoke him, but decides instead to end this conversation once and for all.

“If you didn’t know that already, then I can see no way that you would feel the same. Goodnight Merlin.” And he turns away once again, intent on returning his gaze to the window and allowing a silent retreat.

But instead he is interrupted by a quiet, but demanding plea, “And what way is that, Arthur?”

Arthur is tired. Of this, of being rejected, of panic. “Don’t. Don’t do this to me, Merlin. Just go, we can forget all of this.”

“Help me to understand.” Merlin continues. It seems he’s the one who feels the need to provoke, now. And it works, because of course it does. Merlin is the only one who knows how. So Arthur explodes.

“I- none of this is a _choice_ , Merlin! I didn’t _choose_ this. And you said this was something little? _This…”_ He gestures to the space between them as he moves closer to the other man with every exclamation _. “_ This is not little. This feels like the biggest thing to ever happen to me. So don’t tell me to forget about this, about _you_ , for someone less _obvious._ And what was that supposed to mean anyways, ‘obvious’? That you’re my closest friend? And that we already spend all our time together anyways? Of _course_ its bloody _obvious_ , I spent every hour of every day with you over that past 8 years because I- I’m addicted to you or something! I thought you had figured that out.”

And suddenly, Arthur finds himself standing right back in front of Merlin. Back to where they started. And he finds he has nothing more to say, and neither apparently, does Merlin. But here they are. And finally, _finally_ , they both look at each other. And each can see in the other’s eyes the emotion they recognize from fleeting looks that they so often catch each other staring with. And Arthur overwhelmingly remembers the reasons he started all this to begin with. Something needed to be said. And he’s done his part.

“Say something, would you?” He prods, softly.

Merlin seems to have difficulty forming words, but his eyes never leave Arthur’s even though they seem to be filling with unshed tears.

“Arthur… I... Me too.” He finally manages to choke out, with a small smile.

“…Me too?” Arthur repeats slowly, incredulously. “That’s what you have to say? What does-”

“I’m addicted to you too, clotpole.”

Arthur is stunned into silence, for once in his life.

Merlin rushed on “Why else do you think I’m here? I would have quit ages ago. But everything I do is for you. Everything! And that’s the way I need it to be, because… because nothing else is important.”

“Oh.” Arthur was having trouble processing this, and nodded pensively, as though hearing news in council. “Oh, right, good.”

“Good?”

“Yes.”

“…Yes.”

And the two of them stood there dumbly, staring at each other, hearts bursting but unable to move.

Because they were _Merlin_ and _Arthur_ , and really, how could anything be done?

Until Arthur’s brain caught up to his heart, and he reached over and took Merlin’s hand in both of his, and brought it to his lips, softly while Merlin watched in awe. And it was so _strange_ that Merlin choked out a laugh, and a sob, all at once, eyes sparkling.

And at the sight of Merlin’s grin, Arthur couldn’t help himself anymore and brought their lips together in a crash.

There are more words to be said, but these were the important ones.


End file.
